Evil Dead (2013) review

When my good lady said she wanted to go watch Evil Dead for her birthday, I sighed and said begrudgingly “well, if that’s what you REALLY want then I guess we’ll go see this cool-looking zombie film that I am nonetheless apprehensive about. And if you really must insist that we check out that cool-looking burger place opposite the cinema, then FINE I guess we’ll have to go there as well”. I LOVE that woman.

Oh look, SPOILERS. (For the most part, I’m sort of assuming you’ve seen it rather than describing the action.)


So. Evil Dead. Going into this there were several HUGE sticking points that were determined to lessen my enjoyment of the experience of the 2013 remake. In no particular order:

1)      I don’t like horror films.

2)      I don’t like remakes.

3)      I especially don’t like NEW horror films.

4)      I especially especially don’t like remakes of my favourite films.

5)      I realise what I’d said earlier about not liking horror films but come on, the original Evil Dead trilogy is practically a comedy series, and classics all.

Horror films shouldn’t have to make you work hard, like a good conspiracy thriller or Woody Allen in a good patch do. As the most visceral genre of film you’re supposed to just go OH JESUS whenever something scary jumps out rather than go all chin-strokey.

Apart from the final, final monster at the end of the film, Evil Dead went too far the other way. Way, way too far. Not only did it play completely sequentially and by the numbers, but the numbers also helpfully flashed up onscreen. Remember this bit from five minutes ago? Here’s a quick few frames from it in case you’re thinking too hard to recall. Look what’s happened here! This seems to be following…a pre-determined pattern!

So, you know the plot. Wayward teens. A cabin. A recovered book from which some guy starts reciting passages for NO GOOD REASON AT ALL. Only this time, there’s not even any good reason why he’s doing that; at least in previous films the bloke looked nerdy enough to be actually studying the curse and whatnot. This guy just seemed to be doing it out of boredom.

Boredom or idiocy; something which I’m very sad to report was abundant in fucking SPADES all the way through the film. At least in normal horror movies those dubious noises behind closed doors get investigated carefully, quietly and with a horrible sense of foreboding. This lot are throwing the doors open before they’ve even heard the fucking sound in most cases.

Look. Modern horror just does not do it for me. I cannot suspend my disbelief for long enough because I do not give a shit about anyone in these films. I did kinda like David, the male lead – and was very unhappy with the way he met his demise, a full ten minutes after the film should’ve finished in my opinion. (To me the whole thing reeked of “oh, we need a female lead to survive. Okay, let’s just bring one back.” ARGH.)

I was disappointed with the film, don’t get me wrong – but I’m just glad the original cast and crew was actually on board in some creative capacity, cos by god it could’ve been much worse. The effects were brilliant though; one mark of homage to the over-the-top displays of the original films was the distinct lack of CGI, which I appreciated a lot.

Still shite though. Don’t bother.

One thought on “Evil Dead (2013) review

  1. The original trilogy is superb and I agree with you one hundred percent that it’s comedy. Great, dark often silly comedy. I’ve got no interest in seeing the new one for all of the reasons you mention. Honestly, I couldn’t agree harder with all the words you’ve written! 😀

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